


Panic

by 2Lazy2Bother2Login



Category: Youtube RPF
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks, but what's the fun in that?, it can be taken as platonic, septiplier if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-12
Updated: 2016-04-12
Packaged: 2018-06-01 21:32:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6537052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2Lazy2Bother2Login/pseuds/2Lazy2Bother2Login
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mark has a panic attack and contemplates his worth and Jack wants to help.<br/>Word count: 765</p>
            </blockquote>





	Panic

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. It's me. Yes I know this is probably a huge load of suckage but I needed to get some feelings off my chest so what better way than to write a bad fanfic about ur faves? I had a bad episode last Friday (that almost reoccurred today) and this is basically half the experience, and i guess it would be filed under a panic attack, but I'm no expert sooooooo...... Sorry. This is basically badly written and i'm having a bad day again. Sorry. :(

A static-like buzz filled his arms, drowning out the chatter of people around him. A whirlwind started in his mind, kicking up the unwanted thoughts like dust and whipping them around to where he had to look at them.  
You’re not worth it. You’re an idiot. Why are you trying? Dumb. Why? Stupid. You can’t do anything right. Freak. Idiot. Die. Why are you even here? No one will notice you’re gone. Go away. Stopstop I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Imsorryimsorry.  


"Hey Mark, you okay?” A voice barley cut through the static. He looked over to Jack, making sure a smile was painted on his face.  
“I’m fine.” He said, making sure he sounded happy. If he sounded happy, he was happy. He was fine. Fine. Finefinefinefine. No one likes you. Why are you such an idiot? They probably hate you and you’re too dumb to know. You were finefinefine. No one needed to worry about you. It was selfish to want them to. He was finefinefinefine. Sorry.  


“Are you sure? You seem a bit quiet.” Jack pressed. Shit. He was worrying Jack. Why couldn’t he stop being such an idiot? Worthless. Selfish. Sorrysorrysorry. He was supposed to look after everyone, not the other way around. So damn idiotic and selfish. He was fine. Fine fine fine. Sorry. He was fine. Sorrysorrysorry.  


He tried to force words out of his mouth. He was fine. He could tell Jack he was fine. Because he was. He was alright. He was finefineworthlessfine. Stupid, worthless, fine, stupid, freak, fine, selfish, fine, fine, fine. He couldn’t force anything past his throat.  
Opening his mouth, the only thing to escape was a small puff of air.  


He inhaled deeply, and tried again. Nothing came out. He couldn’t breathe. He was fine though. He had to be. He gave a smile and a nod, hoping Jack would stop looking at him like that. Hoping he would be left alone again so he wouldn’t have to tell the other man anything.  
His chest continued to tighten with breaths he couldn’t take, and Jack didn’t turn away. A dark edge grew around the outside of his vision, making him dizzy. 

“Mark you need to breathe. Can you hear me? Mark!” A hand landed on his shoulder. He was fine. He was finefinefinesorryfine. No need to worry. A sucked in a bit, choking on air. He let out a desperate hum, a last effort to tell Jack he was fine. He didn’t need help. He was alright. “Breathe. Common, Mark. It’s just you and me. You can do it.” Burning guilt filled him as Jack coaxed a heaving breath out of him. He was useless. “There ya’ go, Mark. You got this.” 

“S’ry. S’y.” Mark grit out. Tears welled up in the corner of his eyes. How much more pathetic could he get? So useless. He should be fine. Why wasn’t he fine? He had to be finefinefinefinefine. 

“Don’t apologize Mark, you just need to breath.” Jack said, taking off Mark’s glasses and putting a hand on his cheek. I was his fault. Sorrysorrysorrysorry. He didn’t deserve the concern. He was fine finefine. 

“S’rry. My. Fault.” He said again, between heavy breaths. 

“What’s your fault Mark? You didn’t do anything. Please calm down.” Jack rubbed calming circles on Mark’s back pulling him close. “You didn’t do anything. You’re fine.”  
A sob worked its way out of Mark’s chest. A dam broke and he finally took an actual gulp of air. He leaned heavily into Jack, tears spilling onto his cheeks. 

“I’m sorry.” He said again. And again. And again. A hand carded through his sweat soaked hair and traced down his face. 

“It’s okay.” Jack countered to match his chant. Like a mantra, the two phrases coiled around each other until Mark fell silent, harshly wiping away sweat and tears from his face. Jack took the hand away from Mark’s face and replaced it with his own, thumbing away the tears still dribbling out. Jack stood and pulled Mark up with him. When had he started kneeling? 

“Are you okay?” A friend quickly pounced, running to Mark’s side and helping Jack support him. The rest followed, all adding in their concern. 

“I’m better. Thank you guys.” Mark wheezed. Jack pulled Mark’s glasses from his pocket and handed them off to someone. They were cleaned and placed back on the bridge of Mark’s nose. Mark started crying again. 

“Thank you. So much.” And the void seemed to recede as his friends crowded around him, and the buzz finally disappeared into the sounds or reassurance and warmth.


End file.
